The heart of a child

God tells us in both Mark 10:15, and Luke 18:17, that unless we have the faith of a child we will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Mark 10:15 (New King James Version)

15 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

Luke 18:17 (New King James Version)

17 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

Now this is something I struggle with dearly. Having Asperger’s Syndrome, there is so much out of my control and so much that upsets me that I tend to grab tight and don’t let go of the things I can control. I’ve gotten upset about some random thing or another and dyed my hair, or shaved my head, or pierced something (yes, I said pierced, like needle through flesh).
Having the faith that it will all work out for the better is NOT my strongest gift. I was blessed with an empathetic heart, a kind ear, a for the most part, a gentle word. Blind faith is not something I am good at. It is a constant struggle for me to remember that in order to succeed in life, I must first lose myself in Christ. What does this have to do with having the heart and faith of a child? Everything.
Just yesterday, I was crying on Skype to my poor husband because I am fearful about money. If it were up to me, we would buy only what is absolutely necessary for survival and squirrel away the rest. I grew up in a family that was beyond poor. We went to McDonald’s once a month, on the day my mom got her welfare check, just because my mom wanted us to be like the other kids and have the stupid little toys lying all over the house. My mom would water down the milk, to thin it out and make it last to the next paycheck. My mother would go days without eating so that my sister and I could have two meals a day at home during the school week. This left me very fearful that at some point there will be no more money and I will not be able to care for my family. I do not have the faith of a child when it comes to being prepared and caring for my family.
Today, I took my kids out to breakfast, we were running late. Our order arrived late at our table, and immediately after breakfast we went to the closest Walmart to the Denny’s only to discover that Walmart did not have a fabric department. Driving to our second Walmart of the day took another 40 minutes. Just before we arrived, I was flipping through the radio stations as I always do, like I said, I have to have control in a lot of areas of my life including not listening to songs that I don’t care for.
Hitting the sixth button on my dashboard brings up “The Beaver 100.3 FM“. Listening to the song until it ended, the announcer came on live for the local Toys R Us, where the radio station in partnership with a lot children’s assistance organizations, were holding a holiday toy drive. Along with the radio station DJs, members from the Dark Empire Group and the 501st Legion would be there to take pictures with the kids. Telling my daughter this as we pulled into the parking lot of the second Walmart, she says “Maybe we could take a toy to the Toys R Us.” I looked at her sadly and told her “Maybe another day, kid. We will donate toys before Christmas, but I just don’t think we can do it today.” She looked sad for a minute, on the verge of tears, and then her face lit up and she exclaimed “But I could give my Pix E. Flutters.”
This was the nail in heart. She had begged for that doll for so long and had finally received it just this past Easter. She’s owned that doll all of eight months, but here she sits, strapped into her booster seat, so willing to part with it for the benefit of someone else.
That is the faith of a child.
In my mind, I replayed the conversation with my husband yesterday and all my fears about money went streaming through my head on a fast-forward loop. I could tell her ‘no, we need to wait’… I could easily lie to her and say we couldn’t afford it right now, but I know myself too well. If something is not front and center in my focus right now, I will forget.
“We’ll see,” I told her.
“We’ll see is another way of saying ‘no’,” she replied without even thinking of it.
She didn’t mean it the way it probably sounds. She sounded disappointed, not bitter or angry. She was just stating that I do say the phrase “We’ll see” a lot and typically, we don’t end up doing the thing we’re “seeing” about. What she said was a statement of fact, but it hit me harder than any rebuke I have ever had. God was using my daughter in that moment to teach me a lesson. I truly hope I do not forget this lesson she helped to teach me.
We walked right into the Walmart and headed for the toy department. Sissy picked out a Lalaloopsy doll, and Little Brother grabbed a Lightning McQueen talking flashlight. I spent $50 including the items I had originally gone in for and we drove straight to the Toys R Us to deliver our toys. Upon telling the DJ about how we ended up there, she shook my hand and told me that it speaks volumes about me as a parent and how we are raising our kids. They loaded the kids with miniature candy canes and even grabbed most of the members of the 501st Legion and the Dark Empire Group to take a picture to send to my husband in Afghanistan.
My dear girl wanted to give one of her own dolls to a child in need. God used her to lay it on my heart to not worry about tomorrow, but help today. I truly have a blessed little girl as a daughter, and somewhere in the city of Clarksville, on Christmas morning, there will be a doll under a tree just waiting for another little girl to open it, and she’ll never know about the special little girl who helped put it there.
Advertisements

3 thoughts on “The heart of a child

  1. I had tears in my eyes reading this for a number of reasons. Growing up, let’s just say we weren’t “overly blessed” in material items. I understand the residual money/fear effect from that. My version of “we’ll see” is “maybe later” because sometimes I’m rushing to check the next box on the to-do list and forget the importance of to-be. To be in the moment and enjoying it. (I’ve gotten a lot better at this!) And then there’s your daughter who made this story possible and meaningful and inspiring. She has a beautiful heart. I am not surprised in the least but I am very touched. I also love that 501st Legion and Dark Empire Group took photos for your husband. He gets to see and be part of this story. That is yet another gift your little girl gave that day.

    • I am very thankful to have her for a daughter. She is always so joyful when she gives to others. It just amazes me the depth of her sadness for others and the true joy she gets out of giving to others. I have no doubt that she will do great things in her life. She brings such joy to those around her and she is full of wonderful life lessons. She’s not even seven years old; she will do great things.

  2. […] did we buy toys that day, but we drove across town to take them to the donation drop off point. (Heart of a Child) If her heart were any bigger, I’m convinced she would explode and burst love and happiness […]

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s