Letter to a Deployed Husband

My Dearest Soldier,

You forgot to leave the porch light on for me the night you left. Made it hard to see the doorknob through the tears.

You put the colander on the wrong shelf in the cupboard. Took me ten minutes to strain the macaroni.

You left some unpacked clothes on the bed. I slept in the living room that first night, though admittedly, not very well and not for very long.

I hit my head on your sunglasses every time I get in my car, but I don’t have the heart to move them.

You forgot to wash the griddle you used to make me breakfast one last time. I’ll take care of it for you.

You forgot to move the digital movies to my computer. I’m pretty sure the cat erased the other file from my computer, as it sits empty on the desktop. She also managed to rename the file. I’ll pick up another copy of The Lorax for the kids.

You didn’t wipe the sink after the last time you shaved. I’ll get to that this weekend.

There isn’t enough chocolate in the world to fill the hole in my heart, but you’re still making me laugh from wherever it is in world you are right now. My darling husband, my best friend, you are very loved and very missed.

Just keep breathing and we’ll see you soon, my love.

Forever Yours, Forever Waiting.

For the laugh:                                                                                                              I wasn’t kidding when I said the cat changed the file name…

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24 thoughts on “Letter to a Deployed Husband

  1. lexiesnana says:

    So sweet and makes me sad.My daughter is in the Navy and I miss her terribly also.I loved this post.

  2. Andrea Kelly says:

    Your family is in my prayers! I was an almost-military wife until my last relationship ended 2 months ago, so I can really only imagine what you must be experiencing at the moment – and even that doesn’t come close to reality…All I can say is thank you for doing what you do!

    • Thanks Andrea. There is so much and I don’t know how to process it all. I seem to be doing fine, until bedtime. I’ve been sleeping on the couch. Every time I lay down in our bed, I burst into tears and cant stop crying. I’m gonna move an air mattress into the bedroom until this passes. It’s really annoying me, particularly because I’ve been able to find things to keep me busy the rest of the time, it’s only when I go to bed that the walls fall apart.

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        That makes total sense. Don’t try to rush yourself, if you can manage to stay distracted enough during the day, that’s a pretty big accomplishment in itself! I’m sure it will get easier, but an air mattress sounds like a really good idea for the time being.

      • I’m afraid he’d be upset if I told him I haven’t slept in the bed since he left… The way I see it, this can’t go on forever, but if it does, I wont have to make the bed for the next nine-ish months! lol

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        I’m sure it would be more upset that he can’t do anything to make it better, and not upset at you for your feelings 🙂 And I’m sure you’ll get there eventually, everyone needs a transition period!

      • I talked to him about it. He understands my feelings and is glad that at least I have moved into the bedroom. I’m gonna try to actually sleep in the bed soon, just gotta clean it off first. It’s sort of become a catch all for the laundry I didn’t want to put away lol

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        That makes sense! Glad to see you’ve found a way to sleep on it occasionally (even if you’re still sharing it with the laundry!) 😉

      • I’m hoping to get in there and clean up this weekend, but we have a “Walk to Afghanistan” event hosted by Division that I’m thinking of doing with the kids… I might be sleeping with laundry a few more nights lol

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        Oh yeah, that makes sense! I hope it went well.

      • We’re getting there. Over all the past two weeks have not been good for me, but I dyed my hair “Pretty Flamingo” and have been feeling much better since doing that.

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        Sometimes you gotta just do something for yourself! I’m sure it comes in waves, I hope you hit an easier patch again soon!

      • I’m hoping as we gear up for the holidays things will start moving faster. It’s just on top of the holidays, our anniversary is next month, and my birthday is in December. Lots of missing out 😦

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        😦 That does sound hard! I hope you’re able to find some ways to still find joy during the holidays. You’re in my prayers!

      • Notes From The Backseat says:

        Thank you, hun. He bought a cheap webcam at the bazaar and we got to see him this morning!!! We haven’t seen him in over a month. I think it really did good things for the morale around here. The kids faces showed a cross between shock and confusion after not seeing him for so long.

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        Yay!! That makes me really happy to hear! I hope that it continues to make a real difference 🙂 It sounds like it will be a good way for the kids to stay in touch/transition/understand what’s going on a bit better. And for you to (hopefully) feel a bit closer and more connected. Best wishes on this, really!!

      • It does seem to be helping. Even if its not much, my three year old hasn’t slammed a door in a week! That’s a big deal since I was pretty close to removing the door altogether. That kid lost his mind for a few weeks, but we’re almost finished with Month Two. Yay!

      • Andrea Kelly says:

        That’s progress! I’m glad he’s starting to adjust a bit better now. And hooray for making it through month two! You need a big countdown to mark off the each month or something 🙂

      • We make paper chains… Most people do countdowns til they come home, but in the Army, he may or may not come home on time. 270 day deployments are the standard timeline, but that’s give or take a week or two. Instead of doing that, we celebrate all the days we have survived without daddy. We make paper chains at the end of each month. In September, we had 26 days without him, so each of us has a chain with 26 links. This month we will add another 31 links. That way we have a way to mark the time we’ve passed while making decorations for his return. My kids are so routine strict that the best we could tell them was “daddy will be home before Father’s Day.” so long as that stays true, I wont have any major issues to contend with. We should know the inexact time frame after Christmas sometime.

  3. 😦 I’m so sorry to hear how tough it’s been on you. I’d love to say all the rah-rah, cheerleader comments that we tough milspouses are supposed to say, but the reality is that it sucks, it hurts, and you’ll never truly get used to it — and really, who wants to be in a relationship where it *doesn’t* hurt to be separated for long periods of time, you know??

    Many hugs!

  4. This was so beautiful. Brought both a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. I wish you both the best.

    • Thank you. It’s harder on the kids this time around. The last time he was gone for a long length of time, their were much younger. It’s harder when you’re three than when you’re one. But we’re strong and have plans to have fun and keep moving forward. It’s all you can do. My husband left behind two kids, 6 and 3. He will come home to 7 and 4… That’s a big adjustment for all of us.

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